Over the past two months I have driven across America twice, stayed in Toronto, Ottawa, Montreal, Vermont, New York, Chicago, Aspen, Breckenridge and Las Vegas. I’ve been drunk for the last 9 days, jammed with Matt Hoffman and Shaun White and got my ear pierced four times with a blunt earring. I stayed in a hotel that cost $1800/night (but didn’t pay for it), put 6,400 miles on my car, took 1,000 photos at parties and ski events and did a couple assignments for school.
During that time, I haven’t made a single mix or even touched a midi controller. So instead of trying to scrape something together, here are some notes from the road that probably only I will enjoy, but I want to read them again one day, so here they are, permanently imprinted on some server in Houston, Texas.
Person 1: I have never seen a giant banana hold hands with a chicken.
Person 2: That’s a little too, “I’ve seen it a million times before,” Kristi.
The 80s called. They said to throw you away, because even they don’t want that haircut.
If an RPG comes flying by, don’t try to knock it down. Two of us lived out of six of us. They gave me this little pin.
You don’t die for Bush. You fight for your friends who are beside you. It’s the coolest shit in the world.
You gotta kill them or they’re going to kill you. These mother fuckers are going to hunt us like we’re deer.
It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. [followed by overly enthusiastic hysterical laughter]
Nightwish is like Evanescence with a quarter the suck and four times the rock.
Dude, the bathrooms smell like a hot chick.
They’re all living in a big fish bowl and I’m on the outside watching them.
You take a foundation of euphoria and you place on top of it the fucking biggest mind amplifier you could have ever imagined.
Walking onto a train on mushrooms easily places on the “top ten scariest things you could ever do” list.
I keep forgetting to breathe.
He’s being a right cheeky rascal.
Person 1: I feel like I just did a whole bunch of ecstasy.
Person 2: I’ve never done ecstasy.
Person 1: Yeah it’s nothing like this.
I can’t get my drawing done because I am feeling so imcreative today.
The most convenient option: print your tickets at your convenience!
- I’m stoned.
- Nope. Useless. I’m writing out scenes to movies that are unfolding in my mind, completely unassisted.
So this guy comes out of the bathroom to see his girl lying in his bed when she shouldn’t have been. Instead of saying anything, he walks over to the record player, puts a record on, and scratches the needle across it making the “zzzzzIIPPPP!” sound.
Hi, you’ve reached X. Leave a message, unless your name is Sandy, Debby, Casandra or Sally, in which case, yes… I HAVE been cheating on you. [pause] sorry.
I often worry that I will be 80 years old and still thinking: I’m not sleepy and there is nowhere I’m going to. I mean, at SOME point, I have to be going somewhere, right?
It’s lonely at the top… ’cause I’m the fucking man.
Person 1: I’m pouring my heart out here and you fuckers aren’t even saying anything!
Person 2: Pour it in my mouth.
Vegas is a fallacy of reality.
It’s a conflict of interest for me to hook up with you.
I did not know there were that many countries in Canada.
The world is crying on my roof.
Like, all the Asian girls think I’m like, so cool, ’cause like… I break dance.
Sometimes I eat lunch just so I can Snus after.